Emilie Archer Prickett is one of my favorite online writers. I’m so glad that I found her and even more happy that I subscribed to keep up with her.
Her posts always give me golden nuggets of truth. Things that touch the core of my soul.
Like the post from her latest newsletter:
Why I love this post so much is that I struggle with my shadow dancer. I’ve struggled with her my whole life. And she is pretty dark. And pretty powerful. I fully believe that her uncapped power has been my greatest curse.
Up until now – because now, I’m learning to turn that curse into my greatest blessing.
All of those depths of despair and that familiar un-tethered horridness, the dread that her round and round dance would spiral me through – deeper and deeper into a forlorn hopelessness – finding myself again through that and up and out of that has been SUCH a journey and SO MUCH of a powerful one.
Who knew such strength could come from solely battling one’s mind. Who knew.
What I love most is Emilie’s advice. Dance with her! Take the lead. Face your shadow self and see through her.
I’ve learned that Fear is the mind killer. That to face your fears and see through your fears is the key – the open door to a true freedom.
I’ve known this with fear. I’m learning this with my shadow self. I’m learning to sit with these yucky feelings. I’m learning to not run from them for fear of how they will take over my life and spiral me down. I’m learning instead to allow them. To sit with them and observe them and see to the other side.
To see to the other side of the “I’m not worthy” fear. Why do I feel that? Can I with absolute certainty prove this? Might there be proof that this isn’t quite true? Why do I lean to the side that it is true then?
And on to the next fear.
And then on to one of the hardest, deep rooted fears. The “I am not ‘something’ enough to be loved” fear. Why do I feel that? Can I with absolute proof say that I’m not enough to be loved? Is there noone that loves me or that has ever loved me? Why am I valuing this love over that love? Might there be some other reason besides me that could have caused the end of a particular love relationship? Why am I drawing conclusions? What else is influencing the drawing of those conclusions? Are those things absolutely certain?
And the dance. The most important part of the dance in fact. Grabbing, forcing, reaching for the active proof in action. BEING LOVE instead of longing for it. BEING OF USE instead of wallowing in unworthiness.
And so on. every fear, finding it’s opposite and walking full face into it.
And remembering that.
That has been what saves me.
I’m not saying that I always find answers. I’m not saying that I ever will. I’m saying that in embracing my shadow dance and moving with my dancer, I am healed. Healing is always the point ;-).